reading and a little about writing

Of late I have found some struggle in writing. There are probably several explanations for this occurrence - many rife with details I chose to avoid in writing like this. However, I feel a significant reason I have paused in my writing (though pause isn't quite accurate. I am writing, but it is without direction, focus, or satisfaction) is because of the missing link of reading.
I have begun these writings as a way to explore and delve into ideas of interest to me. But I find now that I have just begun to articulate these ideas that I begin to in some way hesitate to return to an idea in writing. I feel a certain falsity in representing an idea without any exploration of the history and development of the very idea I speak of. Interesting to think of an idea having a history – a sort of narrative that traces its growth over time. How can I begin to grasp these ideas without some investigation into their sources, interpretations, and the dynamic nature of their very existence?

So with some suggestions from my husband I have decided to begin a reading list of some philosophical texts. For those of you that happen upon this blog, please feel free to recommend. I’m unsure as to how much my reading will actually inform my writing. But, on a very personal level, I hope it makes me more true to myself. That the ideas I represent to possess in my writing are indeed ideas that I understand, support, and aim to actualize in my daily living. I am no fool that thinks what I write about here has not been written before and indeed much better than I can hope to achieve. I did not begin these writings as an expression of talent, for it is not hard to see I don’t possess much talent in writing about ideas. I began these writings to find a deeper connection to the very common place behaviors of my week that I most cherish and feel in some way connects me to my humanness. I wanted to explore some of the foundational ideas behind these daily tasks. Indeed, it might be too much to say I really had foundational ideas to begin with – perhaps simply a blueprint in mind for the foundational structure. I have come to a point, quite early in this little pet project of mine, where I realize I must seek out ink other than my own.

So, where will I begin, you might ask. My husband received a copy of Plato’s Phaedo for Christmas. He recommended Plato as a good starting point and has granted me the envied permission to be the first to crack to the book binding. We’ll see what will come of it…

I feel compelled to note the extent to which I speak of my intentions behind this blog writing in the previous paragraphs. I make it sound as though I have all along had a very clear direction and purpose to my current vein of writing. I must clarify that this supposed direction is one that as I crawl through the labyrinth of writing I surprise with my sudden appearance and grasp tightly onto as a talisman to provide me with luck on my journeys. One thing that I have come to remember through my writing rebirth is how writing is always clarifying the mind, cleaning out the rubbish. I find the writing process is much like an archaeologist sifting through the piles of debris, discovering along the way small treasures of interest for later study. But for the moment, we are in the field, we are excavating through the dirt fighting against the defeat of memory and the powers of decomposition. Each item of discovery must be treated with the import of history, but later will be scrutinized by other value systems. For now it is best to ignore the coming scrutiny.